Who is your reference?

I wrote this in mid‑2024 but held back because it felt very personal.

Now that the emotions have settled, it feels like the right time to share it as a thoughtful end‑of‑year reflection.

''I’ve had heavy, existential thoughts recently. I’ve been thinking a lot about the future — and sometimes about why it feels like there isn’t one.

Not only because life can end suddenly, but also because we often refuse to look ahead.

These thoughts were prompted by painful events in my life that felt unbearably unfair.

What struck me, however, is not only that some people may not have a future because life ends, but that many of us don’t imagine our future at all.

I remember several discussions about the future.

One was with Tom Meyer, who is a pro at “futurising.” We had fantastic conversations at the Freelance Business Community events that planted the idea that the future is constructible.

At the time, I thought Tom was just a funny person talking about something we can’t control. I was so wrong.

Later, a conversation with Madeleine Dehauke about my future reduced me to tears. She asked, “Where do you see yourself in 3, 5, 10 years?”

I dissolved.

I feared that naming a future would lock me into responsibility — and responsibility felt terrifying.

I was afraid to even imagine what my future could be, leaving it all to chance.

What if I fail? What if things don’t go to plan?

Those fears make for excellent excuses to avoid owning your future.

Going through tragic moments recently, one thing was painfully clear: people, myself included, often stay inwardly focused. I couldn’t picture myself in the future because I was trapped in the present.

It felt safer this way.

Not looking into future realistically also kept me naive in some ways.

The present felt controllable. The future did not; it would just happen.

Some argue that living in the present is a virtue. I disagree, not because presence is bad, but because constant focus on “now” can stop you from building the future you want.

What does this have to do with freelancing?

A lot.

If you can’t visualise yourself in five or ten years, you won’t know how to get there.

Without a clear future image, you drift with the winds of circumstance and may end up somewhere you never intended.

Yet we’re not bad at planning. We plan small things excellently: birthdays, trips, purchases. We schedule, prepare, visualise outfits, routes, and timings.

So why don’t we plan our future with the same practical care?

That’s where the idea of a “reference” comes in.

I read a great piece about becoming an expert. It reminded me that excellence comes from focused, regular practice, and from having measurable targets. 

But how do you know when you become an expert? You need a reference point.

The best reference for you is your future self. But that only works if you can see that future clearly.

Future planning isn’t mystical. It’s actually programming yourself: choosing what you want to become.''

I came across this post in my notes while cleaning out my archives, and it resonates strongly with me these days.

Jay Clouse recently reminded me of Debbie Millman citing her Design Life interview:

So let say it is Winter [2035]. What does your life look like? What are you doing? Where are you living? Who are you living with? Do you have pets? What kind of house are you in? Is it an apartment are you in the city are you in the country? What does your furniture look like? What is your bed like? What are your sheets like? What kind of clothes do you wear? What kind of hair do you have?
Tell me about your pets, tell me about your significant other, do you have children? Do you have a car? Do you have a boat? Talk about your career. What do you want? What are you reading? What are you making? What excites you? What is your health like?
And write this day, this one day ten years from now. So one day in the winter of [2035], what does your whole day look like? Start from the minute you wake up, brush your teeth, have your coffee or tea, all the way through until minute you tuck yourself in at night. What is that day like for you?
Dream big, dreams without any fear. Write it all down. You don’t have to share it with anyone other than yourself. Put your whole heart into it. And write like there is no tomorrow; write like your life depends on it because it does.


This is what I’m going to do over the holidays.

Sketch where you want to be in ten years. Think it through. Write it down. Control the fear and not the other way around.

And have a joyful holiday.

See you in 2026!